What's Love Got to Do with It?

What Does Love Have to Do with Leading Others and Being Led?

To truly know God is to love Him.
Because God’s nature is love, we are His first love.

We live in a society where many try to earn love by being lovable.
In many relationships, love is withheld until it is earned.
Some resort to people-pleasing in order to experience this conditional love.

Even though God’s kind of love is not complicated, it’s often hard for people to embrace—
It’s not what they’re used to.

Agape love is unearned, unconditional love.

Alice in Wonderland: A Lesson in Love

In the classic tale Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll, Alice goes down a rabbit hole on a wild adventure of self-discovery. Her guide is a nervous white rabbit whose biggest concern is being on time.
At one point in the story, Alice asks him a question:

“Do you love me?” Alice asked.
“No, I don't love you,” replied the White Rabbit.

Alice frowned and clasped her hands together, as she did whenever she felt hurt.

“See?” replied the White Rabbit.
“Now you're going to start asking yourself what makes you so imperfect and what you did wrong so that I can't love you—even just a little.

You know, that's why I can't love you.

You will not always be loved, Alice. There will be days when others will be tired and bored with life, will have their heads in the clouds, and will hurt you.

Because people are like that—they somehow always end up hurting each other's feelings, whether through carelessness, misunderstanding, or their own inner conflicts.

If you don't love yourself—at least a little—if you don't create an armor of self-love and happiness around your heart, the feeble annoyances caused by others will become lethal and will destroy you.

The first time I saw you, I made a pact with myself: 'I will avoid loving you until you learn to love yourself.'"

Harsh words—for a rabbit.

Imagine withholding love from our friends and family until they figure it out on their own.

Jesus and Peter

In the Gospel of John, after Jesus' resurrection, He appears to some of His disciples:

John 21:15–17 (NLT)
15 After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter,
“Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”

“Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.”
“Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him.

16 Jesus repeated the question:
“Simon son of John, do you love me?”

“Yes, Lord,” Peter said, “you know I love you.”
“Then take care of my sheep,” Jesus said.

17 A third time He asked him,
“Simon son of John, do you love me?”

Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time.

He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep.”

Jesus asked Peter three times, “Do you love me?”
When we look closely at the original Greek, we see something deeper:

• Jesus asks Peter twice if he loves Him with agape—a love of complete devotion.

• Peter replies that he loves Jesus with phileo—a brotherly affection.

• The third time, Jesus uses Peter’s own word—phileo—meeting him where he is.

Jesus wasn’t forceful or demanding.
He simply invited Peter to become a shepherd of His people.

It also stands out that Jesus first says,
“Feed my lambs,” and then twice,
“Take care of my sheep.”

• Lambs are young—new believers, perhaps.

• Sheep represent maturity.

Jesus was laying out the full scope of leadership:
caring for both the young and the grown in faith.

And here's something beautiful—
Shepherds lead sheep; they don’t drive them like cattle.

Jesus wants us to lead and be led by love.

Jesus in the Wilderness

When Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness, He was tempted three times by the devil.
I recently revisited one of my favorite leadership books:

In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership
by Henri Nouwen.

Henri Nouwen was a Dutch-born Catholic priest, professor, psychologist, and prolific writer.
He taught at the University of Notre Dame and at the Divinity Schools of Yale and Harvard
before leaving academia to pastor at L’Arche Daybreak—a community for people with intellectual disabilities.

Here are a few of Nouwen’s reflections on the three temptations Jesus faced:

1. To Be Relevant

Jesus’ first temptation was to turn stones into bread.

“The Christian leader of the future is called to be completely irrelevant and to stand in this world with nothing to offer but his or her own vulnerable self.

This is the way Jesus came to reveal God’s love. The great message we carry is that God loves us—not because of what we do or accomplish, but because He created and redeemed us in love.”

2. To Be Spectacular

“Throw yourself from the parapet of the temple...” (Matthew 4:6)

“But Jesus refused to be a stuntman. He didn’t come to prove Himself by walking on hot coals or swallowing fire.

‘Don’t put the Lord your God to the test,’ He said.”

3. To Be Powerful

“What makes the temptation of power so seemingly irresistible?

Maybe it’s that power offers an easy substitute for the hard task of love. It seems easier to be God than to love God; easier to control people than to love them; easier to own life than to love life.”

Jesus asks,
“Do you love me?”

We ask,
“Can I sit at your right and left in your kingdom?” (Matthew 20:21)

Ever since the serpent said,
“You will be like gods...” (Genesis 3:5),
we’ve been tempted to replace love with power.

The Challenge: "Somebody Else Will Lead You"

Jesus said:

John 21:18–19 (NIV)
“Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted;

but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.”

Then He said to him,
“Follow me!”

These words speak to the heart of Christian leadership.
The world teaches us that as we mature, we gain independence.
But Jesus’ vision of maturity is the willingness to be led,
even when we would rather not go.

“When we hear the voice of our First Love and say yes to it,
the downward-moving way of Jesus becomes the way to joy and peace—
joy and peace that are not of this world.” – Henri Nouwen

There’s so much more in Nouwen’s book—just the story of his trip to Washington, D.C. is worth the read.
Find it here on Amazon.

Love Is the Way

Jesus is calling us into intimacy with the Father through relationship with Him.
When we are secure in our relationship with Jesus, we’re empowered to love others deeply.
Our desire to lead—and to be led—will be rooted in God’s unconditional love.

Love is a vast subject, and we’re only scratching the surface.
But we hope this letter encourages you to pursue God’s kind of love with all your heart.

Until next time, remember this:

God Almighty loves you with an unconditional love—
one that overcomes every situation you’re facing.